I need a leather bustier to keep them in.
Too kinky for 11:30am. Stop that.
We went to red robin and there was a 15 minute wait so we went and fucked in the car. Quickies, endless fries, and a mascot handing out balloons- this is literally the night of my dreams.
What did you wear last night? Because I'm pretty sure there are atleast 4 Facebook statuses about your walk of shame.
i just remember sitting on this bed, naked, STILL WITH A CONDOM ON, and suddenly these random girls were in the room shouting at me
I want to hold her baby but I'm afraid I'll give it a contact buzz
You were fucked up like a footballbat trying to eat gum off your shoe. And that wasn't even the nights lowest point.
We need to step up our tailgating...they're here drinking out of a prosthetic leg
I think we need to have a day of drinking in classes. I know we don't share any, but sacrifices need to be made.
The majority of the reason I want to get my pilot's license is so I can use the argument "FUCK YOU! I'M A PILOT!"
I might have pissed in the corner of someone's shed. They have nice lawn mower.
He licked the buffalo sauce off my fingers and then we had the best sex of my life.
Ya know what's the worst? Being drunk and wanting to show someone a picture of your goddaughter but not wanting to open the pictures on your phone because the first one is of someone's dick..
Wanted to let you know I hooked up with your brother.
i thought he was gay wtf
I'm stuck on a cliff. I'm not sure how I got here or how to get down. Please send help. And clothes.
I woke up to the sound of her peeing at the end of the bed at 4am.
Randomize
