My mom says you aren't allowed to eat doritos at my house
i just saw a homeless guy running after a pigeon, catch it and put it in his jacket pocket. I'm not sure if the bird is now his pet or dinner!
Omg. Well, welcome to Oakland...
I would really like to get high with Bill Nye. I'm being dead serious. Every step I take is literally a step I take because it will take me closer to Science Guy high.
We could get him to build Inspector Gadget.
I didn't know you were high TOOOO!!!
I think I just made patron unclassy I bought limes at a gas station and for salt we are using gas station packets of salt
Hey. I found $5 in quarters from one of those state quarter collection books. I'm using it for food tomorrow.
does pizza still have the 5 second rule in the bubble bath?
The difference between you and me last night was that I didn't remember getting into the cab and you didnt know we were in one.
GOOD NIGHT DREAM OF ALCOHOL SNO CONES
I had to help you off the toilet floor because you couldn't get up, then you threw your drink on the floor and just said "oh dear" really calmly.
I dunno. We kind of want to have a hippie communing with nature type break. But because we're such alcoholics I feel like we'll just be wasted the whole time in addition to hugging trees and shit
Just blew a guy who had the same phone case as me. It was destiny.
the problem is i have six tabs of acid in my freezer and no self control
Just did body shot off a midget. Pretty good start.
Nothin ruins a fine afternoon like shitting ur pants
What's that? Is there a bottle of Jack calling me? I think so...
Randomize
