So bad night, ended up beating off to porn and eating Keebler elf cookies.... at the same time :-(
I wonder why dictionaries dont have indexes to help find the words easier.
he saw my emergency pass-out-in-the-bathroom-after-drunken-puking cot in the bathroom.
I can't tell if I miss summer or 5 times a day sex more.
for future reference: even when 4 loko is flat it still fucks you up. im near a tree. come find me.
Hey, no judgement here...this is the girl that threw up on a box of kittens at the magician's house
I'm one ex away from doing an entire victory lap of all of the guys I've hooked up with since second semester of freshman year. Single me is scary.
It's official, I need to start putting my vagina's needs before my own.
I didnt think the feeling of accomplishment for fucking brothers would be this great.
We need to go back to the barter system so I can sell my body and just be done with it.
Just lectured your brother about using condoms when hooking up with girls he meets online. I should be a fucking life coach
Who the fuck watches Jessica jones and thinks I need to call a past fling?
I almost had a threesome in a giant beanbag chair. I love college.
Took an adderall for the first time in a few weeks. Spent 45 minutes peeling an orange TO PERFECTION.
His dick has the same name as my pipe. I'm keeping him forever.
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