The child next door sounds like he's having vigorous sex in the backyard and it's making me very, very uncomfortable. I don't want to look.
a drug dealer just gave me his business card. it had his face on it drinking a 40oz
if tampons were more like dildos the world would be a better place
it's pretty bad when you go in bed bath and beyond and recognize 6 different bed spreads you've had sex on
Also, I just saw a woman change into her stripper outfit in the bathroom at Target.
I just watched a girl in the library pull a vodka bottle out of her bag. I think I'm going to give her my number.
ride him like a prized pony all the way to orgasm town.
just had a very awkward conversation with the concierge at the hotel, they threw your underwear out
I thought he was walking around the front. I just hit and run my booty call. I'm the worst non girlfriend ever
It felt like Party Santa dropped by and gave us two more 18-packs.
Sober me admires drunk me's enthusiasm, but there is no way I'm going to make it out there today.
Lol drunk you is so full ideas and happy. Sober you is full of grumpy reality.
Sorry I've been a slutty nightmare this week
I just ate broccoli before drinking. Does that make me a responsible adult?
How is it that 364 days a year I'm the adult, but on Halloween you completely forget how to have fun and become my grandma?
The fact he has had a girlfriend for 5 years and they are trying to work it out isn’t going to stop me from sleeping with him. He said it himself you can’t cheat on someone you love...
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