She said I could do whatever I wanted to her. I pumped for 20 seconds, apologized, rolled over and passed out. I sit directly across from her at work. Awkward?
He looks like a mix between a retired piano teacher and a cat that just swallowed a sock.
Just got arrested at PF changs. Happy New year, China
All I heard was "You have collect call from Lafayette Parish Jail for Dude it was awesome! I'll tell you about it later!"
No I'm not coming over. That Bob Ross drinking game is too intense.
There are pre-booty call contracts for a reason. I have no intention of calling you tomorrow.
Do you need my fax number or something?
I may have to steal the boat sober, but I feel that would be harder to explain.
I am now being bribed with one orgasm per every meal I eat. This is the best anorexia therapy ever
hey now, it was 6 bucks for 5 shots. you would have lost your panties too.
I threw up in my room. And I cleaned it up with a spatula.
If I get laid tonight it will 1.) Prove that the sex gods do in fact exist, and 2.) Show that I am one motherfucking badass bitch.
What drinking game we play yesterday? Fight club or something?
We knew it was an interesting night when we found my thong wrapped around a chocolate chip muffin in the fridge.
I woke up and there is a small Irish man playing call of duty in my room. Discuss.
If I shall die, I wish to bequeath to you my personal library, my sigma tau delta presidency and all it's apparel, and a puppy.
Randomize
