I had a dream last night where you were a transsexual in a low cut blue dress with lovely long brown hair. You were very pretty. I hope you are well.
I was so high i believed someone when they told me le moyne beat syracuse
She called me Spock and proceeded to ask me to 'teach her the ways of the force'. I just couldn't do it after that. No way am I fucking a girl who can't tell the difference between Star Wars and Star Trek.
He was like an evil genius with the clitoris. I don't stand a chance.
he's totally gay but hes wondering what hes missing out on. Im going to show him.
no pressure.
Ok so I could say "im sorry"...but instead ill just say "unsupervised...jager...military guys...green school bus called the juice box...and HUGE dick"
Just did a keg stand the dropped my phone in the toilet. Sorry for partying.
You did a keg stand on the toilet?!
I standby a snuggie being perfectly acceptable attire for drunkenly walking your dog at 5am. Our new neighbors did not seem to agree.
His phone pocket dialed me while he was crapping. He was quietly singing stayin alive and possibly passing his intestines.
Throwing up out both ends. This is not how I pictured adulthood.
he just looked at me, said "i think i'll keep you around, you put the seat back up and everything," and then burst into tears.
Did I really drink that whole bottle of Jack Daniels last night?
Heroically.
Is it bad that I've been making new friends through your vagina networking? I don't think so
I had a sex with someone last night and I was so drunk. i told him to tell me his whole name so I can say it back to him in a "sexy" way.... Because I forgot it
i just cleaned my bong... I do not feel healthy
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