Went to gas station for smokes. three cops pulled in. got gas i didn't need. found diff gas station.
good choice.
i wish there were pregnant emoticons
he was shitfaced drunk and couldn't walk but could still recite the top 10 in order from the first season of american idol. impressive
I sent the random girl I had sex with last night a 'happy mothers day' text as a reminder to get the morning after pill.
He considered it romantic when he told me mid-blow job that no matter what happens, he will "never forget how good of a dick I suck". Verbatim.
I left myself a trail of jello shots, that ended at his door. OR maybe he left me a trail of jello shots at his door. DO I GO IN!?
I think shooting the BMW with the bow and arrow is when our group became the evening's antagonist
Nothing like pulling a bottle of vodka out of your purse at 7am in the security line to make your fellow passengers uncomfortable...
However today I got my lube that might I add was dripping out of the box. I'd like to think my mailman was mixing business with pleasure.
porn backed up onto portable hard disk, laptop charged, battery backup in place, two cases beer, handle of vodka, poptarts and beef jerky --- bring it sandy.
He let me keep my Michael Jordan Bulls jersey on during sex.
Ok I've processed it. Who the fuck makes out drunk in a parking lot in a backseat with the windows down in the middle of the day?!?!
I'm watching porn in spanish. Thats studying right?
My toothbrush tastes like captain morgan
I'm jealous
I’m not sure she knows my name. She introduced me as “the fuck toy”
Randomize
