Great date with Damon, but I'm not sure if telling him I like lesbian porn is a good second date discussion.
Apparently i was the first person to introduce her to her clitoris. Needless to say...they hit it off great
Two hours into move in day and the ambulance is here already.
i like him when i'm sober AND when i'm drunk.i've been searching for this my whole life
dude, you cant keep using "she roofied me" as an excuse to bang all these fat chicks
there was a fucking fire juggler. but it was ok bc i was in the kiddie pool and it was the safe zone
We had a 30 min conversation last night about whether or not to bone that girl with a lisp to see if she moans with one...
Everyone at work loved my story about sobering up in a river with no bra on.
If I have to give a UPS guy a lap dance, you owe me a drink.
Tonight we learned that just because we can fit a Tic Tac in the tip of my penis that does not mean we should.
I tried to put my heels in the coat check
i just got drunk and created an entire Dr Seuss unit for my first graders.
I didn't know how to commemorate his death, so I snorted a fat line off of his obituary. Rest in peace.
Still fucking the ballerina?
She can put her legs behind her head.
Enough said
She fucked my eyebrows.. I've never had that done before.
Wait... Plucked, or Fucked?
Fucked, but I understand your need to clarify
Randomize
