I hope you get the herp and dife. The emd.
I found your dream girl. She looked 11 but drove and on her key chain it said "if i am not wasted the day is"
You're so easy to please, it's adorable. Like an alcoholic puppy.
Did they have a limo or was i just stoned?
Since your rent is paid til the first, we decided to use your apartment as the beer pong room. We apologize in advance for losing your security deposit.
This creepy guy was following me and i hid in the bushes. i could say i was high as an excuse but honestly it was straight up fun.
is it sad that i can honestly say it was the best birthday sex i've ever had and it was still terrible?
Kyle found me outside his apartment in the hallway. Said he didn't hear me knock bt smelled alcohol through the door. I'm sucha bitch to my liver
His last name was woodcox? That just screams I've got a great penis
Soooo we should kick it sometime when it's like light outside. Drink outta cups.. Be bitches. 7, 6, 3, 5.. 4, 2, 1... Sschhkiddaellladiieessscchk
Easy Mac and you are the sexiest things in my life
I just had sex on my divorce papers. I've never felt so poetic.
If you can throw 105 mph it’s mandatory that you’re hung.
So I have now fucked both my roommates...This is why I can’t live with men.
Drunk me bought a cell phone last week and began texting sober me. The conversation between the two is still on going.
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