I don't know where I am, but its a Goosebumps novel waiting to happen.
I just worked out and used handles of vodka as weights. Whoever said alcoholism is detrimental to you health obviously has no fucking idea.
She opened a beer bottle with her armpit and then gave me a cigarette from the waistband of her underwear. I dont know if I want to be her or marry her.
My horoscope told me I'm getting laid tonight. Please don't make the stars be liars
I have reached the point in my life where I realized this is what I'm going to do for the rest of my life. Eat, shit , bar, drink, drank, drunk.
I needed a test subject that didn't know any of my friends so that if i screwed up no one would really know or spread rumours about how it was the worst bj ever
In a shocking revelation, I learned that the Easter Sunday shit show happened not because of vodka but because my gay neighbor drugged me.
Had sex in a cemetery last night during a thunderstorm. I feel like my goth points have skyrocketed
I managed to get through my meeting without throwing up in someone else's office, so there's that for an accomplishment today.
They're fighting and it sounds intense. Cross your fingers for their demise
Toss in some raw meat and play heavy metal music. It will insight violence.
This little girl and her dad are walking behind me. "Why is he wearing pajamas?" Mind your own business, kid.
How early is too early to start drinking when studying for the bar?
I tried to text you about going to the Lion's Den but sent it to my boss. She was down for it. Please advise.
just so it's not awkward when you get here, you and my dog have the same name.
Hahaha nice
I'm literally trying to cool beer down right now in my car by putting it on my floor and blasting cold air on it
Randomize
