I saved him in my fone as special pumba. he was just pumba but then he found me drugs
If I sit on the seam of my jeans just the right way when the bass hits, this might be my new favorite band.
Please explain to me what this has to do with my fantasy to fuck larry king?
God is so good, I would give him a blow job right now.
god, you should never be in the FBI. you'd give away america's secrets to any boy who asked.
well, atleast the road to alcoholism is fun.
If a man's penis is referred to as "the family jewels" does that make a woman's vagina a jewelry box?
Somewhere during foreplay he said something about me only being with two other guys... I just went with it cause we have never had that conversation...
No i'm not calming down the girl at white castle did not need to see the picture of my dick on your phone.
I just spent a pre-4th of july celebration riding in a raft being towed by a car through a town that I've never heard of handing out flyers for a river rafting company that I never knew existed. Good night.
You were sending me snapchats from a bathtub with your beer helmet on and your boobs out.
This is seriously fucking awkward. My favorite sex scene just started and my dad's still here. He offered me Cheetos.
My hangover didn't kick in until like 4pm so I found myself puking in the middle of Times Square. During rush hour. In a three piece suit. A spongebob came by and patted me on the back.
Well we found Mark's missing underwear. They're pinned up on Mike's trophy wall.
your mission the party friday: cockblock me at ALL costs. I've cheated on my boyfriend twice. I feel like three times would be crossing some sort of line...
and no, I don't care how how hot he is
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