Should I ask him to prom mid fuck? That way he has to say yes.
This is a mass text. Does anyone know where I am?
You don't have to believe me. My vagina knows it happened.
I have got to stop making out with redheads. I need to sign my life over to my dad like Britney Spears.
At a party. It smells like teen pregnancy and sadness in here.
so far, I've observed him try to hit on 3 girls, 1 guy and a bar stool. Humanity is amazing from a sober point of view.
But here's the wonderful thing about us. It's us. You could invite me over, get really wasted and end up sleeping with someone else and id be there in the morning to take you to breakfast.
We were so drunk that when I broke the bottom off a pint glass we decided to make it into a candle holder. How does that happen?!
Let's never forget the time I met you while you were running down the street naked and in handcuffs.
I just referred to our excessive fireball consumption as a team building exercise and everyone in group text agreed.
We're not alcoholics, we're a god damn team.
He deserves someone who will touch his penis at 3 a.m.
I thought since you asked to see my dick I might as well say hi
Will you still call me Bond when I'm sober?
Whatever he got a sick blow job and his high school fantasy was fulfilled
And that's what dreams are made of
*hilary duff crying in the background*
Last night I ate a candle out of a strippers ass.... I guess it was an okay night.
Randomize
