I think I just need to sleep with both of them to see which I want to date.
You just went from promiscuous to slut in 3.2 seconds.
I'm someone's dream girl. I'm hungover in this guy's bed wearing ONLY a Brian Westbrook jersey. Not the same I was on a date with last night.
Well it went from being a hug to a straight out tackle through the back door.
Quick question, how many times can you get chlamydia before your vagina just gives up and falls off?
Walking down the street at 11 pm dressed in bubble wrap. Why is the bar so fucking far away??
I want to lick his teeth again. Is that a creepy thing to say?
It's basically the same plan, only step one gets revised to "look hot enough that he forgets I fucked his roommate"
Now I don't feel so bad about telling everyone that he's 23 and needs Viagra. It's her problem now
The drunk people on this bus are singing Journey songs. This is the whitest thing I've ever experienced
I'm not saying you did or didn't sleep with him but he's has your thong hanging from his ceiling fan
Yeah. I'm so over work, that I'm not even satisfied pretending to work anymore. I just flat out want to go home. Fuck this job
I woke up missing my shoes and my left eyebrow. MY. EYEBROW.
Woke up next to a half eaten Philly Cheesesteak. Honestly probably one of the top 3 things I've ever woken up next to.
He's gonna turn my vagina into the Sahara desert
Clearly you need to take sleeping pills and put your phone in the toilet
Randomize
