just drove past a church sign that said "jesus got 'er done" ... welcome to the south
I feel like death. And death is wearing a fleece blanket as a dress. And is seriously contemplating wearing this to go get something to eat.
I hope im prettier
yea, just so you know this whole self-loathing thing is getting pretty fucking annoying
couldnt find a condom. used a surgical glove instead. actually worked and the sex was great. thanks nursing school
Get over here. It's an emergency. Just realized I haven't hd my mouth on a penis in two weeks. Get over here.
He had me believing he was actually British until he came and used his real voice.
I'm standing in the shower drinking with the light off and a candle lit, listening to Amy Winehouse. Be proud.
I want to break up with him.....but he has a george forman grill...like I need that
I do have a life. It just consists of making scarves and chesse straws now
I'm going to pound you from behind over a table at the bar while I pull your hair and call you a whore...please pass along that message to Rob
I'm perplexed as to why anyone on this planet is straight
Pretty sure I got pink eye from the strip club. There is also still beer cans rattling around in my shower.
I just saw your brother in some random persons yard climbing a tree. Just saying.
Probably on drugs.
I think the God that I only kind of believe in, definitely hates me.
It involves me, my best friend, and a stripper and her mother.
Randomize