Some guy on the train just glared at me. So I'm drinking tequilla out of a dixie cup. Go fuck yourself.
I hate the awkward morning-after-I-took-your-virginity conversations.
Is all white too much for court to prove my innocents?
were drug buddies, doing lines off her ass is just a bonus
So I'm seriously not complaining - but I just fell ass backwards into a Tuesday night threesome. Sober
Did you make me take pictures of your ass last night because you fucked on some wet paint or did i dream that?
He went 'unicorn hunting' and lost a fight with a fence. That's how he ended up in the ER.
No, we got so into acting out our role play characters we didn't even fuck. still sucess.
Peeling duct tape off of my dick is definitely one of the stranger sensations that I've experienced.
I don't want to get pregnant doggy style. That's sad.
I texted him in the morning wishing him a day as spectacular as his dick was.
You are the jesus of drinking
That sad moment when the drawer I used to keep condoms in now has poptarts in it..
HIDE THE INFLATABLE PENIS
Our livers are going to hate us.
It's okay, they're regenerative. God wanted this.
Randomize
