There was a fist fight in my basement last night at four in the morning, in case you were wondering
There is an asian family here, I heard the mom call her son onyong
I don't know what I could have possibly done in a past life to deserve watching my boyfriend projectile vomit margaritas and probs blood while completely naked.
since i spend so many of my nights sleeping on the bathroom floor i think im going to remove all toiletries from under my sink and replace them with a pillow and blanket.
the boy next to me on the plane handed me a shot glass, then a perkaset, and told me to have a good week off..hellllo spring break.
it was my 21st birthday. took an old mans walker so i could stay till last call. reasonable right?
apparently "preggers as fuck" isn't an appropriate way to describe someone...
They called it unicorn pee, and i thought that was interesting so i drank it. Please don't let me drink strangers booze again.
all a girl really needs is a few good pair of leggings and a drug dealer that delivers.
Not sure how but he broke three of his fingers while giving a blowjob. How does someone that accident prone survive to adulthood?
Okay so I've been talking to the mice again and they agree with me that you're a piece of shit.
Nothing like walk of shaming to the bus stop in your bar clothes at noon and seeing the fire truck you work on drive past with the other shift giving you thumbs up.. Brotherhood at its finest
I am so horny that I an legitimately concerned for your safety when I see you tonight.
Your vagina is awesome, like it needs to teach a class for other vaginas
i realized my signature handshake has now become a hookup. i love what college has done to me.
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