I am a bulletproof tiger!
Haha. Nice, be careful tonight.
I'm gonna have to get my windshield replaced. Is the keg beat?
i just had sex. the condom broke. we're sleeping in to separate beds. And im in albany
I caught a rooster roaming Edison Park then released it in the bar. They made me try to catch it again and somebody played the chicken dance while I chased it
Having him eat chocolate out of you is not as romantic as it sounds. I'm still finding pieces.
Dude, I think my check liver light just came on
Just don't lie down.. Throwing up upwards is NOT cute the second time.
i took my goldfish out of his bowl last night and put him in my bed
Her best friend sent her a random hate text and the song they played at her father's funeral came on the radio. I just got cock blocked by the universe
It took him longer to remove his skinny jeans than it did for him to finish. I didn't even have time to realize it sucked until it was already over.
Well the nurse forgot to take all my stitches out, so my surgical tools are peroxide, kitchen scissors, fingernail clippers, a pocket knife, and 11 beers. Let's do this...
the parents are super pissed...made eye contact with the mom while going down on another girl
HOW ARE YOU ALWAYS DRUNK? AND WHERE ARE TOU TRYING TO GO??
he may or may not have motorboated me on the steps of the library of congress
Is there a word in the English dictionary for impressed, yet disgusted?
I think the word you're looking for is flabbergasted.
Last night was a "wash hands with dog shampoo" kind of night
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