Go for the frenulum. Its like eating a popsicle. They go nuts with that shit.
It's like trying to pry an octopus off you. Except the octopus speaks English and can get drunk.
Cumming on a girls face is guy code for you're not wife material.
So, do you know where my left shoe is? I mean, we were at a few places last night, and I called them. No luck for me.
Apparently it costs $70 to clean vomit off the side of our apartment building.
See this is what happens when we don't have sex everyday
Are you awake? Because I would like to know whether or not I should refrain from giving my evil laugh when I enter the apartment...
VOOOODKA VOOODKA WE PLEDGE OUR LOVE TO THEEEE VODKAAAA VODKAAAA SAVIOR OF LIBERTYYYY
What's more sad than going to Target to buy Plan B and the new Sam Smith album?
6 more days and it'll be a year since i slept with him and never went home
My fuck buddy just proposed... Correct me if I'm wrong, but doesn't that completely defeat the purpose of FRIENDS with benefits?
Now you can be friends with Insurance Benefits.
Maybe you should slow down tonight...
KINGS DON'T NEED ADVICE FROM LITTLE HORN-BILLS FOR A START
eating a weed cupcake with nutella on top at work. i AM a star!
Your mom asked you why you had bite marks all over your arms and you answered her by yelling "I HAD A SIESTA!"
But really, what kind of hoe life adventure in Mexico would you do that would top me blowing a trucker?
Randomize
