You are still hot in my book. I wanna dry hump u like a 9th grader then hump for real when the herpes is gone.
I really like him. That's why I'm having sex with someone else, so he doesnt think i'm a slut.
I just caught my mom fingering herself in the bathroom...Im moving out.
why is it that everyone in pennsylvannia gets fucking prego??
dear sober me, don't br the first to open the fridge in the morning
I am more sore today than I was after my car wreck. Take it as a compliment that you bang harder than a semi-truck.
Damn it if I pass out in the bathroom one more time this month im going to rehab...
The pine trees are waving at me.
Put the pipe down honey.
Hi trees.
I owe her a pancake or a second hand orgasm
Caught in the act of lying. Lipstick literally all over his dick. He tried to make some story about darkwing duck or some shit but failed to realize he is a complete moron.
HOW DID YOU GET DEPORTED FROM THE BAHAMAS
Hey, I got 20% of the people home that I was responsible for. I can't be expected to do much more.
No work today. I woke up and someone had written "Markhot Penis = Party" on my forehead in sharpie. Do you know a Mark?
she texted me 'with freud,' which i thought was drunk for 'i'm with my friend.' but nope, she was actually on a statue of the psychologist sigmund freud.
Anyway, that's been my evening- crying and looking up diabetes symptoms. How was your night?
Randomize
