I un-blacked out around 7am watching J.lo videos on youtube
I didn't think I could chip a tooth while giving a blowjob until I met him.
are you just going to ignore any texts involving my penis from now on? because thats going to shut down a pretty sizeable portion of our conversations.
We woke up under the ping pong table holding hands.
Just sponge bathed with a swissper. Thrush inevitable. Shaking.
We have started to decorate penises.
I woke up with the Dorothy costume at my ankles, both sparkly red shoes on, and clutching ToTo....we're not in Kansas anymore, dude
I did not get laid last night bc my condoms were too small. I'm allowed to be dreary
I've been vomiting all day.
All day? It's 10am.
He was playing minecraft so I took a shower with my vibrator
Is kiddo a correct name to call someone who you stuck your dick in?
Sorry you saw me having sex with your brother on the beach
You could cut the tension with my nipples.
my grocery cart consisted of hershey bars, sour patch kids, starbursts, mayo, 4 frozen pizzas, 4 lunchables, and chips. clearly, i can't do this on my own.
it was the most awkward makeout ever. it was record breaking really
...i feel like you have a lot of those.
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