I'm in the mood to be taken advantage of ;-)
that girl last night was a 15
wait she was 15?
no like black jack not sure if you should hit it
do you know why i have a volvo grill taped to the back of my car?
Breakfast is bomb, yo. McDonald's before ten thirty is like Katie Holmes before Tom Cruise.
we were naked in his bed and he told me all about what a "baller" alexander the great was.
Everybody in the immediate area is hooking up like it's doomsday
WHY AM I NOT THERE?
I send him pictures of my tits whenever I feel like he's paying too much attention to his girlfriend.
I tripped over a vacuum cleaner and fell into a beer pyramid
Holy shit there is too much Taco Bell here to talk to you
My worst fear almost came to light...I was choking and the cats stared at me like they had no problem eating my face if I died
I'm pretty sure that I drunkenly used the phrase "I just want his beard all over my body" way too many times last night.
Jesus I should have learned from my first marriage not to get married again
never planned on seeing last weekend's one night stand again, much less be on the same plane as him..
All I want to do is lay in my bed and eat hotdogs
If you need me I'll be in the hospital involving super glue and fake eyelashes.
Randomize
