Yea well when i pee it makes steam.
okay, this is the fifth time he asked if it was in yet. maybe i shouldn't have dated a blind guy.
aaaannd alcoholism beats pride. it's like grown-up rock, paper, scissors
I'm having a flashback of telling a guy that he was beautiful and graceful like a unicorn while playing shuffleboard.
uhh when the x-ray tec was moving your head you licked his hand and meowed.. i think he knew you weren't sober
And I swear to god I'll divorce you if you so much as say a single sentence in Yoda talk in our bedroom. I may be a nerd but that's just fucking creepy
U offered to motor boat her and it somehow turned into u two going on a sunset cruise in Newport. At 3am.
No more co-pays for contraceptives. Whoever says Obama is a bad guy has clearly never had a pregnancy scare.
I just watched some guy take a shot of jack Daniels, chase it with a shot of ciroc & then violently rip his pants off. You have to come here.
It was kicking off big time until you crawled out the bar on your hands and knees. Nobody wanted to mess with that.
I'm sure there are thousands getting dick today in the name of independence
Im part way to drunk.
Brah, we should get a "do not disturb sign"... I can't have people knocking on the door while I'm high, it fucks with me way too much.
Hiking for a first date sounded like a good idea in theory because there was absolutely no possibility of me blacking out. In practice, I'd rather black out than go through what I just went through.
Throwing up in a storm drain... Not my finest moment.
But my shoes looked boss
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