I didn't talk to you tonight because I've decided you look like a man.
she is the kim kardashian of front butts
Abby. I can text perfectly. I pledge allegiance to the flag of the united states of america. and to the republic, for which we stand, one nation under god indivisible and with liberty and justice for all god bless america
I just dropped off shoes at Mike's hotel. The chick he hooked up with last night stole his phone and shoes.
You sucked on the drag queens heel. It got that rough.
Public service announcement: if you would like to continue receiving blow jobs, a 25% increase in fuck-giving will be expected immediately, and you're expected to give an actual flying fuck at least once a week. Brought to you by the ad council.
You kept trying to use my cat as a napkin.
Btw, do you want me to fix this with a box of wine and a chick flick or is this more of a 'lets head to the strip club' problem? I'm just trying to analyze the emotional depth of the situation.
True freedom is running around a sex club in former power plant in Berlin wearing a boots, a jock
Using the money underagers give me to buy this semesters books.. My mom would be so proud
lost my vibrator and now I have to masturbate manually. The struggle is fucking real.
The not so cute guy next to me made me play Kid Rock on the jukebox but I'm a big believer in free drinks so I obliged.
You know that pill i snorted last night? Yeh, its just hitting me now..... At work
I'm pretty sure the cop knew you were drunk when you tried to light your cigg with a chapstick.
Lol it's kinda hilarious. I left missing one glass... guage. I feel like Cinderella... but less classy.
Randomize
