is her vagina suppost to smell like dirty taco bell?
Vibrating panties would be amazing during this conversation!
but he used his one phone call to call mom and wish her happy mothers day, that's gotta count for somethin
Just because you were able to pour the entire bottle of wine into 2 glasses does not mean you took it easy last night.
there is potential here for me to have a consistent access to someone's dick who isn't actually an asshole. i think i'm ready for a relationship.
Hes still mad that I left the room mid-hookup to go get a pickle from the fridge.
How did a couple beers and monopoly turn into a bottle of vodka and throwing eggs at eachother in the kitchen?
She was really fucking loud. My neighbors definetly knew my name...
Completely smashed, masturbating to the view of the ocean. Family vacations are more tolerable than I thought
That's not a funny feeling. That's hepatitis. You got it from that bar where everything was sticky.
Things you do not want to hear after sex: I almost lost my gum in your pussy. Really dude, don't share that with me!
This guy is like Don Jon! Im over here this weekend and at least four times I've heard porn on his phone thru the bathroom door.
Yeah you were fine except for when you peed under the bar
Ugh im hungover from last night, and to top it all off, I think someone jacked my laptop.
umm ya, so we found it in the oven wrapped in a pillow case this morning
TURNS OUT they were both cheating. Like the Gift of the Magi except for shitty people
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