i just rolled a joint on the giving tree. that book has given me so much.
Just took my first sake bomb. I love japan
The dentist just giggled when he accidentally shot water across my face, I can sense how he treats women.
I mean it was like cry my eyes out or masturbate in my moms bathroom.
I just looked at a girl and was like what disease does she have? And then my mind caught up ohhh shes pregnant.
Every pair of shorts I try on makes me look like some kind of powerful lesbian wizard.
That is like, the point of shorts
Speaking of fellatio on fictional characters, the Stay Puft Marshmallow Man would be a delicious blowjob.
Dude this weed smells so good they should make it into a Vicks vapor rub scent and I would rub it all over myself.
Safe to say I'm terrified but totally AMPED
I started dipping tositos in my screwdriver last night
then apparently I went "not bad" and continued
I had 17 beers 2 days ago. I'm not dad material yet
It’s like I’m living in some alternate wet dream universe right now
You were drinking tequila through a straw.. and kept waving your arms at me and getting this intense stare down as you muttered something about jedi mind tricks.
My professor congratulated me on turning my assignment in early. I didn't have the heart to tell him I only passed it in early cause my sex plans got canceled for the night.
I've been eaten out in coupes, sedans, trucks, suv's, you name it. If I can do it in a smart car, you can do it in a vw beetle.
I knew you were the expert on doing it in public. You need to get paid for your advise
Randomize
