I woke up naked in my living room and my mom was next to me like we need to talk
We started making out, then he decided to get naked, put on a condom, and proceed to dry hump my leg, sweat pants and all, until he blew his load. I thought this was college. I immediatly left claiming I can't sleep in other people's rooms. He didn't even bother taking off my hoodie.
she would only give me a road handjob because she didnt want to unbuckle
safety first
Wow. 8.8 earthquake hit Chile this morning
didn't feel it. :)
It's like 5 thousand miles away of course you didn't.
wait what? so it's not in america?
i have a new found respect for you. the amount of people you must have cockblocked last night is amazing
the beer staff turned into a beer spear way to quickly
The only requirement is that his name is Kevin... All other factors don't matter to drunk me. Drunk me likey Kevins.
Bren left me with a lovely parting gift. Newfouund alcoholism. I'm on the kitchen floor, hugging a bottle of vodka. It's my only friend now.
So I know we're not talking about this anymore buuuuuut I left heel marks on the wall.
Got stiff armed by the garbage man on the back of the truck...I just wanted to ride one block dude
And thanks! There are perks to polyamory. And birthday orgies are one of them
I think he's trying to finish jacking off before throwing up again
I know it's 10:30am but Finding Dory starts in an hour, and I have four points of molly. You down?
Auto correct isn't even working for how drunk you are
Well I hate to admit it but at this point I can successfully say i have been pee'd on by both of my roommates.
Randomize
