$35 all you can drink last night. Friend 1 woke up in a hotel lounge, friend 2 pissed himself and woke up wearing friend 1's spare pants, and my toilet indicates I threw up extensively.
I always feel awkward when im sitting at home watching the price is right and the fat contestant get the gym equipment.
"Don't get as drunk as I was on my birthday" has been upgraded from a goal for Friday night to a goal for my life in general.
There was an ice luge. Lets just leave it at that.
It feels like I'm breathing out my heart and it spreads through my limbs to my fingertips.
Omg. I felt like a crazed animal last night. My lesbian instincts burned a hole in my panties.
I fell asleep while studying last night and woke up smelling like whiskey and sex... words can not describe how confused I am
Probably won't be invited back there again considering last time his purebred corgi ate my pot brownie and had to be rushed to the hospital.
She said "we just have chemistry" ... I wanted to say "no, you just have a vagina."
Like, defending PBR and Bio Dome consumes a lot of my time.
My roommate is fucking his gf in the shower and i really have to pee do i just bust in or pee on his bed
I had sex upstairs in my parents house, and my mom texted me and said "those raccoons are out of control in the walls."
Is it just me or is it like a girl gets married and all of a sudden she’s a “blogger”?
You crawled into bed with Bob and started whispering to him about produce.
At Target. Everyone is stocking up on food and flashlights for this storm. I stocked up on beer. Dont judge me, it was on sale...
Randomize
