if i could have babies with my dog i totally would cause i know thay would be fucking hott babies.
She was so high she ate a little piece of weed off her pants and thought it was food.
I just had someone call me out on a walk of shame via megaphone
You guys need to stop introducing me as "the girl you shared"
What?? I'm covered in blood at the hospital, I atleast deserve a pic of someones boobs
Would you like me to write a persuasive essay on how you should let me suck your dick?
She was so adorably desperate I didn't have the heart to tell her I wasn't a lesbian. So now She's making waffles, may switch teams over this.
I hope the walls stop moving before my manager notices that i'm still drunk.
I haven't gone out since the baby was born. If I don't get arrested, in a fight, or both I'm going to be super pissed.
I peed in my sheets during a dream. Like straight up. A whole new drunk.
You shouted "FUCK SHANIA TWAIN" and then downed an Aquafina bottle of white wine none of us knew how to react
I'm not driving across town for three thrusts and an excuse
I needed to bring way more fireball to class to match this professors intensity
Anybody can graduate from college sober. You try it while being stoned every day for the last three years. 2.75 baby.
New Orleans is just like you. Dirty but beautiful and will always have a special place in my heart
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