I am totally the chick from Intervention who barfs up wine and then re-eats it.
Why the fuck is BBQ sauce coming out of my shower head?
Fat girl left in a hurry. Possibly had to do with the missing bathroom door in my apartment.
I can't find the keys to get out of my front door, there are random socks in my bicycle basket and I can see a plastic handle of cheap vodka sitting on my porch. oh, and my head just broke u with me.
you cant ever make fun of my bong's stick on moustache again. its the reason the cop let me keep it and my weed.
That girl next to you randomly said that she fits into a queen sized pillow case
WTF.
It was kinda hard to explain to his wife why there was chocolate syrup on the ceiling.
Oh that could end badly if you get them mixed up.. you know who I think you should focus on?? THE ONE WITH THE BIG BLACK COCK, just sayin
Ways to ruin a one night stand: the guy finds your parenting magazine on your dorm room desk.
If fixing it is ignoring it, and getting naked. Then yes we fixed it.
I woke up just like any other Wednesday. Naked on the floor, hungover and covered head to toe in lube
You wouldn't happen to know why there's an inflatable monkey riding a mattress on my roof would you?
I fucked that choir dude last night. he had the most strangely musical moans. it was like a Sound Of Music porno.
I'm pretty sure she tried to draw a self portrait out of her vomit. Then you tried to help, but passed out in the vomit.
when some dude came up to you and said he didn't like your shirt you just looked at him and firmly asked if he really thought that you gave a fuck.
Randomize
