Billy Mays is dead too!
Somewhat annoying American icons better be watching their backs
I just learned in bio that our sole purpose for life is to have sex.. so your high number is acceptable. its actually lacking.
I want you to come here and listen to her climax and then tell me how funny you think it is.
Also I hooked up with a trainer at my gym. Between her, the married chick, and the bartender, my life is becoming a bad porn plot.
my wrists were so small for the handcuffs, i could slip them off and hand the tow truck driver my keys....
there was 12 of us, girls included, shirtless and wielding swords as we bet on rock paper scissors in the middle of the bar. It was like Cinco de Mayo version of the Deer Hunter
We didn't have a blender for the margaritas, so she tried to use the garbage disposal and wasted half a handle of my grandpa's good tequila.
I rode a bull tonight, There is absolutely no reason my dick is not in some chicks mouth
Let's be honest, your relationships fail because the man you're looking for is the equivalent of an intellectual blow-up doll.
ALso, saw an adorable man walking an adorable dog with his adorable kid.
And yes, that last sentence is biased because my ovaries started screaming
And then he serenaded me with "Pimps don't cry" from 'The Other Guys'. If that's not love I'm not sure what is
He showed me his night stand drawer...it has one too many sex things in it.
Exactly how many...is TOO many?
I would have cried, probably tears of wine, but cried nonetheless.
He ended up buying the equivalent of dinner at a Mexican place, in weed
she prefaced telling me she was pregnant with "houston, we have a problem"
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