He has that thing where they hang SUPER low
Ewww!! Elephantitis
Woke up. Made a pizza. Burnt it. Going back to bed cuz today sucks
So we went to home depot to buy supplies to build a beer bong but ended up buying an office water cooler that were going to put vodka in
Briing, briiing- tricycle ridden. Where is my crown?
Aaaaand then she sang MDMA to the tune of the YMCA song, with appropriate gestures.
My neck kind of hurts. I think from sleeping on the concrete.
I don't know what to say to that. All I know is my vagina is trying to jump through the phone.
Spotted: shirtless guy wearing cut-off hot shorts, 1 cowboy boot and a sombrero puking in a bush while his friend yelled 'stop being a bitch" from the sidewalk'. Happy 4th of July 'merica!
What happened after I vommed in your shirt that I was wearing and threw it out the window on the highway?
We duck taped Dave to a rolling chair and shoved him in the bed of the truck then took off for a bit.. We didn't explain it that way when the nurse asked what happened though.
He and I are in a competition of who can sleep with the most people at work. We're tied at two. I could win this if they'd stop hiring damn straight girls.
Duck, Duck, Goose is now the autocorrect, safe for work version of fuck, fuck, loose.
Omg the sex was so good my ears popped. Thank god too. Cause then I didn't have to hear him going on and on about his dumbass feelings. It's called a booty call bitch.
When i was leaving for work this morning, i realized the neighbor was passed out drunk, with no pants, and a half eaten whopper on my lawn. Knowing that hey..we have all been there before.. i decided to give him a pillow and a blanket rather than wake him up.
I'll text you when I have a mental breakdown about it.
Please do.
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