So I have to go swallow an entire zebra. Ur on ur own girl.
Racial profiling caused me to miss two cabs but the third cabs the charm - he's playing Jesus Music
not only are you not the girl i fell in love with, but from the looks of it, you ate her
Even My mom was ashamed of me bringing her home, she pulled me aside, and told me i can do better than, "butter faces"
You were sitting at the bus stop holding hands with some Polish girl you just met, who was just as drunk as you were, and you kept trying to light your Kit Kat and smoke it.
This guy legit just tried to LSAT formal logic his way into my pants. Contrapositives and everything.
how do i tell him I'm always in the mood without sounding like a slut?
I'm going to listen to christmas music to trick my body into cooling off.
mom and dad are asleep. time to fish my half-full bottle of wine out from under my bed and give this christmas visit a pick-me-up.
"half-full" seems a little optimistic for the turn your night is taking.
You hit on my mom and then passed out in the kiddie pool.
you started petting my head and said "there there, majestical unicorn. it won't be long before we get you back to neverland."
When the strippers start dancing to Christmas songs it's time to get the fuck out!
we all thought you were asleep. he found you an hour later sitting outside in the snow lighting a bowl, singing the CatDog theme song, and hugging a box a Franzia.
Your the only person I know that needed stiches after a Monday morning conference call. How are you in your 20s? How
I'm not sure why, but my salad smells like a Big Mac. Or maybe that's just the smell of yesterday's, seeping through my skin.
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