I'm fascinated by her cleavage. She has deep cleavage, but no obvious boobage to speak of. Check it out.
when your english prof writes "this was a real good paper" on your essay, you know you're at the wrong college
Stuck in the Dallas airport. At the bar. Everytime a flight to DC gets cancelled, I'm takin a shot. Fuck you snow.
I've only been home four days and my parents' cleaning lady already wrote down the number to AA and told me she's praying for me.
oh dont worry, my liver will give out way before i get skin cancer
Put you drinking hat aside for Tuesday. My buddy is bartending!
I just puked in my drinking hat.
Sorry we're taking so long, this weed cake tastes amazing with Tabasco sauce on it.
she kept asking for a lobster dinner while she was crying. it was actually the most reasonable drunk chick request i've ever heard.
Her roomates have been scoring her hookups. I got 8.9, best of the week!
MY WHOLE FAMLY IS TALKING ABOUT MY BUTT
WAIT I'M COMING I WANT TO TALK ABOUT IT TOO
Actually here it's more "lie around naked in a dark room" weather.
I love you but I don't want to see you naked.
He asked me if I want to play Uber Driver, is this some new sex game or is he drunk and asking for a ride home?
i now know why i keep getting pictures of poop. apparently someone put my number in a girls bathroom saying i am a poop lover.
you text any of them back? this is probably the most women you'll ever have texting you in your life. don't squander a good thing
He said I have the “Denzel Washington” of vaginas.
Randomize
