he just told me his nickname was "nickexplodeon"
does that mean he doesn't last long?
My face is bruised from laying on the concrete. NO MORE VODKA!
Apparently he ran around last night saying he was 'the hulk hogan of muff diving'
i'm not the one sitting naked in my room playing with my boobs and a cat.
On the bright side, I hit her with the door on the way in
You missed practice last night. You owe at least 8 hours of liver sprints.
This morning I learned I traded my sunglasses for a Big Lebowski sticker at the football game.
I'm amazed your boyfriend is still with you, how do you manage to pee on him while he is holding you in his lap?
Ok, gonna go sleep cuz my brain wants to be smart and not follow my pussy into the danger zone
Hes pre-made beer lollipops so he "can suck before the sex" QUOTE!
I'm sensing a Yuletide blow job in your future and by future I mean tomorrow
I should have bailed a long time ago. I mean, he has a bible verse-a-day app next to his dick pics in his phone.
My dad slapped my ass the other day and say I was "doing the family name good". I feel...proud
Is there any chance of you maybe wanting a bouncy house at your wedding. Like maybe a .0001 chance. If so I would totally chip in for that.
I mean that was the nicest way to be dumped by some one I wasn't dating.
Randomize
