i threw up in over 4 different places last night. it was like a world tour
You can't call dibs 8 years later.
You don't have a penis so I'm not texting you at this hour. This is penis texting hour only.
I would feel worse for you if you weren't waking up between a pair of double Fs that attached to a classically trained chief. Im still jacking off eating hot pockets.
Nothing says happy gameday like waking up in only an ACC Championship shirt in the qb's bed with a different football player
After hearing her fall down in the shower for the third time, I decided to go check on her.
Went outside and he was playing rock paper scissors with a cop over a drunk in public ticket.
Super awkward when the coworker you made out with in exchange for molly last weekend keeps coming over to your cube and trying to talk to you
he said "be careful" then handed me a cheezit...
This is why we can never be together. Well that and we r married to other ppl but that's very minor detail compared to the coffee issue
He's two decades older than you. Remember how you said you wish you lived in the 70s? HE DID.
going on fb and having 11 notifications all from you is absolutely horrifying
Somehow I woke up next to the bouncer who kicked us out of the bar last night...
You know that episode of Spongebob where Patrick teaches Spongebob to be fancy? His dick was like that, only fancier.
I know right, I would blow him just for the satisfaction he would taste like vodka
Randomize
