she was wearing a cheetah print one-piece and i slept with her anyway. big mistake.
I wonder if she has a lisp when she orgasms...
I don't apprectiate you insinuating that my breasts have a sort of bremuda triangle effect
this guy literally just gave me a gold star sticker for the "stellar" blow job i gave him. ashamed? i think not.
... there are chew marks on my license. I have no idea.
i just woke up to a text from him apologizing for making me eat a full lemon
You drunk invited us to do an intervention for you.
Just pure bliss will emerge from Charles, my tranny bong.
do you know where my other puke covered boot is
We found her on the balcony debating if it was easier to jump or throw up. Neither decision would not have been good for the 91 year old below us.
Well, you've continued the theme of living with people who's dicks I've sucked.
you just won the triple crown of sex! your prize is more sex.
...I just added shower water to my vodka on ice\n#sendhelp
I'm one bad relationship away from owning seven cats.
Went to the party dressed like a Cougar and brought a twenty something dressed as Micheal Phelps home. So far I’m loving being divorced. :-)
Randomize
