His idea of a romantic evening was shotgunning Keystones. What a keeper.
I twisted my ankle last night doing a super high five with 3 inch heels on.
Just wondering why in an apartment full of stoners there is half a waffle in the TRASH CAN. get ur shit together man
this just has baby written all over it
I didn't know what to do with her so I just tied her to a bench.
i had them turn on teen mom at the bar so i wouldnt be tempted to go home and make babies with the guy next to me
totally just got a week extension on my midterm by telling my prof that I had just found out I was adopted
Come over, I want to eat cookie dough off your dick.
The bad news is tonight is also a blue moon, ergo, latin, I will have to get 'once in a blue moon' drunk which I feel is significantly more dangerous than IPO drunk
I was less embarrassed asking him to torrent the teen mom's porn. I'm not gonna ask him to about season 4 of PLL.
i came home after a long day at work and she dropped a plate of cheesecake and a bottle of whiskey in front of me and said here's dinner
We duck taped Dave to a rolling chair and shoved him in the bed of the truck then took off for a bit.. We didn't explain it that way when the nurse asked what happened though.
Dude.. She just busted into my house wearing a ski mask, a poncho, and thigh-high pink hooker boots and yelled, "THE CABS ARE HEEERRREEE!!"
I am not even ashamed to say it, I got laid in the stairwell of the hotel, by a 29 year old. It was awesome!
you were peeing in her backyard and some dude came outside and looked at you and was like "thats not a pee spot" and you said "well it is now" then i joined you. Forever poppin squats <3
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