How, after 24 years of life, did I manage to revisit breastmilk
vegan vag taste different. and not a good different
I guess I tried to spit on a homeless man on the walk home...Out. Of.Hand.
This is working out surprisingly well considering it started out with us using a christmas tree as a battering ram
how you manage to cockblock me from 500 miles away still baffles me.
Can u please come get me. My car keys are gone. Somehow I ended up sleeping in my trunk
He scratched off my spray tan. Literal nail marks down my back. Can't imagine what's underneath his fingernails.
come to Starbucks. I'm the fat girl eating a whole pizza sitting on the ground
I'm drinking too much free beer
Thats like saying one owns too many kittens. It's not possible.
She's posted my bail. Twice. Of course I'm going to be her wing girl.
You missed the winter stoner olympics last night....I got the gold in blunt rolling
I asked my boyfriend if he wanted a bong for his birthday but he instead asked for corndogs
the cheaper the better
Please remind me tomorrow that I ate a loaf of jimmy johns bread on the toilet 5 mins ago
He sang a ten minute song about me sitting on his face and eating quesadillas. Pretty sure I have to marry him.
You were so drunk Last night you asked for your glasses so you could read the directions on a band aid
Randomize
