oh, and bring over your fire extinguisher. we're gonna get the mailman again
i'm sitting in the second floor bathroom drinking coronas in the shower. do not find me.
What a great world we live in when USPS can tell you that your drugs have been delivered.
I have never heard someone not give a fuck so poetically in my life. I feel like you should be leading men into battle with a speech like that
Last thing I remember is beer bonging sangria. Dear God.
After my date left I rallied and took the Asian girl home. Flexibility my friend.
He is 30 (that's 8 years older than I am) and uses more Emojis than I do. Problem?
Awkward, walking to my bootycall's hotel room and run into my dad leaving his. Just nodded to each other and went on our ways
It's not as funny as it sounds. I shit myself at the company Christmas party.
I just blew thrown up hashbrowns out my nose. That's the level of this hangover.
Tomorrow is my bachelor party. If I die tomorrow, please know I graded you a "check" as a sister. "Check-minus" when you got mouthy.
He showed up at 1:10AM covered in mud and vomit, wearing a headband that said victory in Japanese. I WANT PICS.
its hard to say precisely how it happened, but the next thing i knew i was on top of a mountain
Apparently someone was hiding in a storm drain dressed as Pennywise from it and offering passersby free penis enlargement pills.
You were just laying there on the air mattress watching spongebob with a knife. We tried to take it from you, but you insisted it was your emergency escape in case you started to float off.
Randomize
