im in a kiddie pool, high, with a keg in arms reach. If i had a sandwich and a blowjob this would be the best day ever
DUDE DUDE I JUST GOT TH E BEST IDEA FOR A CHILDRENS BOOK "If You Give A Girl A Blow Job"
I got oddly confused when she started talking in third person in bed.
omg a stripper jus od'd on stage.
you kept lying down on the floor at the bar just to prove you could get back up
Taking the airport shuttle drunk should not happen this often in my life.
My valentine's day: watching The Notebook, and porn, eating chocolate, and ice cream. All while jacking off.
Wow... you've managed to cover all of the sad girl stereotypes that exist.
She asked for her virginity back. I don't know what to say
I'd rather blow Nickelback than be told he gave me gonorrhea. I'd even post it on Facebook for all of the world to like, share, and judge me.
The shrooms have turned on carrie. Change of plans. We're getting stoned and finding bacon.
I just sugar scrubbed my vagina. If I don't get laid tonight, me and the universe are gonna have some problems.
You know how it is. Tell me not to do somebody and suddenly I wanna.
I wonder if Paul and Andy realize how lucky that they are that we're too lazy to start fucking other dudes so we just stick with them
What happened last night?
Lets just say you asked me a couple times if you had eyeballs..
im on a boat
How did you get this number?
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