so pretty much your parents know your seeing a girl on the side, let her come over and just dont say anything to your girlfriend?
I don't care how bad it tastes, i just put it in my mouth and deal with it
it only takes four glasses of wine for me to ride an elephant with a stranger.
there are 10 yearolds here who keep calling me on the elbow rule!
Wait are they playing beer pong to?
btw my roommates send a round of applause to you and that guy you tried to fuck on our wall. Additionally they hope he got it in.
after she pushed someone down the stairs to get more vodka we lost her for a while and found her on the pole in the garage pouring water on herself
Lazier than spoon feeding yourself popcorn and debating adult diapers so you don't have to leave the mentalist marathon on tv?
Just got attacked by a family of raccoons, I have the worst luck.
no dont worry i changed into my costume in the hospital bathroom
Was it just me or did you also find it awkward when "glad you came" started playing on pandora right after you finished?
Saw my drug dealer at Easter mass with his family so that was weird
I have a cat for love and a booty call for sex. What else could I need?
You told everybody that you were a dragon and then projectile vomited all over the kitchen.
Your parents are gone and we haven't fucked in their bed... why?
I feel like that japanese guy who ate all the hotdogs. Except replace hotdogs with sailor jerrys. And instead of a trophy and world record I just get a hangover at work
Randomize
