My feet smell like cheese. Makes me hungry.
You know ure stoned when u start thinking about making a bacon smoothie
There is no way he is gay with that hair.
you just broke rule number 1. If you can't lift her up don't date her
we're going to dress like we're asking for it, because we are
The last thing I remember is funneling tequila out of a pink noodle.
Just saw a porn entitled "Nad Biter". Redheads are now forever out of the picture.
If you're going to outback I'll have to decline, I've slept with a large enough portion of their staff already.
you were upstairs in your room looking out your window and saw him puking in your bushes outside. you then proceeded to open the window and sing Come To My Window
Reunion weekend was a success. Had 3 ex's inside my vag. Hat trick!
I spilled beer everywhere which led to an oil fire and me melting a spatula again. And then I was late to class so I explained what happened to the teacher.
In the middle of our bar crawl last night we stopped to pet dogs at a dog park. who would let a drunk person bet play with their dog???
I was looking at the storm clouds during my run and one oddly resembled ur penis
I think one of my ovaries is committing suicide. But that is a topic for another day.
Your skill with memes is vaguely frightening
Randomize
