hi i'm bored and kind of... in a sort of dirty mood
pics
no i'm at a mixer dressed up as the teenage mutant ninja turtles
A guy on the street just growled at me and said damnnnn. Sometimes it scares me how attractive i am.
come over. we are watching hoarders and playing i spy.
i'm sorry, i thought "hey, she wants TO FUCK YOU" was a good enough cue
I can motorboat myself in this new push-up bra. I need to go out tonight.
Last night you found an onion ring in your fries and then you started singing "A Moment like this"
He asked me if my princess crown was real and before I could say yes, he was already reaching to put it on. I'm pretending I'm asleep if he tries to have sex.
It would seem she's painting a bullseye right in between her legs
I was driving around a golf cart with a keg in the back before I got caught by the cops. First slow speed chase ever
I'm terrified that I'm going to have a baby with a guy who posts snapchat stories while ignoring my texts
You just want me for my pizza coupons and my penis.
WHY DID YOU NOT OFFER TO LET HIM STAY
Dude, it's like you want him inside me more than i do
She was sitting on the couch in his tux jacket...no pants, eating cold vegetable lasagna. Yet I'm the weirdo?
She grabbed the other one and started playing tug-o-war against the blonde chick. I told you getting my nipples pierced was a good idea
scotch tastings during the week is a baaad idea. i woke up w no pants but wearing my winter coat
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