At a stoplight watching a woman push groceries in a stroller while dodging oncoming traffic... Reallllly Detroit?
I tried to go shot for shot with some guy called "shit show martinez"
Just watched a porn with the dvd commentary on i think i need to re-evaluate my life
only my mom would pack illegal paraphernalia in a care package..
Have you seen my high heels that I wore out?
You mean the one that you threw at the parked cop car or the one in the microwave?
Just learned the hard way that dicks can bruise the back of your throat to the extent that you cant eat. You're dead to me.
Her mom caught her drunk streaking when she was 12. Of course she's perfect for me.
The night started going downhill when I set my foot on fire.
Stole a wheelchair from the hospital and rolled down the street smoking and drinking this is my weekend
By the way if you come home and I'm not wearing pants, just go with it. I didn't have the energy to go searching for some.
She just spat tequila at me... Like a fountain... A broken fountain
I feel like there should be a database and you screen your boyfriend's scrotum and all the fucked up shit they've done goes on file.
Nothing like snapchatring dick pics to a\nMarried woman while your girlfriend destroys Taco Bell in the next room. Almost caught, worth it. Got boobs back
I remember grabbing your ass. So firm. So right. I don't regret it.
I'm starting to notice a direct correlation between blackouts and broken bones...
Randomize
