the couple across the street's about to bang. go get the popcorn and come join us.
Awesome morning. I just met my boyfriend's wife, should I have shaken her hand or was the hug a tad over the top?
We'll probably be arrested for having a cheetah in our apartment anyway, so I say go for it.
Time flies when you're blacked out in a lake
I'm wearing a utility belt filled with alcohol
I like how zombie Abe Lincoln and hooking up with a girl were on your same thought process.
He fell backwards into a full bathtub but didn't spill a single drop of the beer in his hand. What a pro.
I need vitamin water and Jesus :/
I just got called the stable friend. This makes me super uncomfortable
Is there anything more American than getting day drunk and watching Hulk Hogan promos?
Please tell your sister I apologize about saying her baby may have beef curtains. That was inappropriate.
I can't hang out with this penis. I'll start thinking I like the person it belongs to.
Can we be gay Bert and Ernie for Halloween?
My girl friends dad just asked how I get so drunk and then he passed out with a bloody Mary in his hand on the couch it's 230 do you know where your parents are
I think I accidentally got a sugar daddy but I was already planning on sleeping with him so I’m going to see where this goes
Randomize
