he mailed me a thank you note for the blowjob.
i noticed he has a cardboard window on his car and he told me he locked his keys in his car and had to break in...this only makes him more appealing
I woke up smelling like the ciroc you tried pouring into my mouth last night. I think my clothes are still soaked
okay just a general question, but if i got arrested, who here would bail me out. this is important.
I will not hesitate to go down on a dick for some cream soda.
Sunshine is the equivalent of sprinkling whore pellets on campus.
I've been randomly kik messaging bearded men I find on Instagram while sitting unshowered in my underpants. I'm like the girl version of a creepy uncle.
Sex should always be followed by Chinese food in bed.
I'd like to request an "its my birthday discount", and for you to bartend shirtless tonight ;)
So I just went to 3 different stores because there is no way I can walk out of one store with this many reeses and still have my pride.
I'm at the bar, forgot my pants. Everyone's over reacting
Sorry, fell into some ass. Call you tomorrow.
Yeah except my drinking partners aka my parents went to sleep Cuz ya know, they're old.
Pretty sure my boss knows there's Jack smell coming out of my pores right now... He just gave me a look...
I climbed on the arm of the futon, flapping my hand fan frantically and hissing imprecations at the smoke detector
Randomize
