So called my VP's house on Sunday drunk and told him that if he didn't hire me for the new position I would skull fuck his wife. They asked me to go home today. Thanks again Vodka
Holy jesus god. My teeth taste like street.
her teeth should be alot whiter from all of those blowjobs she gives
I don't understand why we need a holiday to become more aware of boobs...
That can be our thanksgiving, vodka and cornbread. Just like the pilgrims.
According to the transitive property, he has now had dick in his mouth.
I'm at work. It's margarita night. Someone literally just shouted "MURICUH!"
God bless us, everyone.
Had mirculous sex while watching miracle. Until she got mad that I kept quoting the movie. Not my fault I'm a good multi-tasker
Do you believe in miracles?
My therapist keeps stopping to ask what 'hooking up' means
ITS ORAL SEX CAROL
I bought something for you today. You'll love it.
What is it? Drugs?
"I'm 95% straight," he says. Cut to him on his knees...by far the most beautiful guy I've ever fucked.
And then I realized my chick friends consist only of sober you, drunk you and hungover you
I'm trying to fuck him and feed him. I don't understand why it isn't working.
I've never seen anyone as high as you were.. you collapsed onto the kitchen floor hugging a tub of ice cream. You named it phil.
i got kicked out of the casino for drunken disorderly conduct because i kept stumbling into old people and one of them told on me. as the boucer was taking down my information so i could no re-enter i ripped my id out of his hands while yelling fuck you.
Randomize
