worst experience of my life. her nipples were sick. kinda like a venn diagram
Santa Clause just drove by me on a fire truck. Epic night begins.
woke up to 35 texts all saying im cheating on her
me and last nights hook up spent two hr. figuring out a reply we went with i love you..
Got one of only two perfect scores in the class on the quiz I took drunk. This is not a good thing for me to have learned about myself.
Getting stoned and going to costco. If i'm not back by dawn, you know what to do.
we used a swiffer mop as a stripper pole.
handjobs have no place on a baseball diamond
This theraflu would make for a great margarita.
I can make a sudafedarita
The police woke me up so they had no choice but to see my morning wood.
Well you just missed the ten chi o pledges singing la bamba at our doorstep.
I ended up passing out on the shitter for like an hour with mcds smoothie all over my face
He said the last thing he remembered thinking was: 'Why is this vagina spinning?' Too drunk sex is no ones friend.
The cop let me finish my J before he cuffed me. Coolest arresting officer ever.
I literally have a pirate chest of slutty clothing.
Nothing personal but yes I would be suspicious If I saw 3 guys and 2 girls in the same bathroom stall together
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