So i just found out i replied to my room mates craigslist ad. Akward
there was a party in your bed and you weren't invited... change your sheets
Whats a good hint for stop bitching im gonna give you head
Apparently Bin Ladens last act of terrorism is cock blocking me....
There are 3 guys sitting in the elevator in lawn chairs wearing sunglasses and holding beers. the hallway rugs are stuffed in a trash can. i've never been so glad to be sober.
I don't care if we have to swim home from the bar, Im not gonna sit home in the dark and read some fucking book
Apple should advertise that their phones are puke-proof. They would appeal to a whole new audience.
NEVER LET ME DO THIS AGAIN I FEEL LIKE I'M GONNA SHIT MYSELF TO DEATH ARGHHHHHGHHG IS THIS WHAT DYSENTERY FEELS LIKE
I just masturbated to a Jock Jams cd. What have you done today?
sitting alone on a bench with a sombrero and a bottle of vodka. really angry i got here before you guys.
Ski vacations are for hooking up with randoms. It's like I don't even know you
All of my exes are either overweight and neckbearded or dead. Someone out there is looking out for me.
She forgot a bra so she just used seran wrap. The scary thing is, it worked.
They walked into the house to see me in my neon pink knee high socks trying to pull you out of the cat carrier by your legs...
Let's make a rule now, to not smoke weed out of our trumpets. After tonight.
Randomize
