Are you okay?
Don't worry. Self-respect preserved. My speech was Grey's quality... I made him cry.
I wanted to google "huge banana" but I'm pretty sure all I'd get is dick pictures.
when are you leaving homes?
it's 7:51. why the fuck are you awake at 7:51
I had a sex dream about Oprah.
go back to sleep
dude. it was a sex dream. about. Oprah.
Bad news. Pictures just stimulated my memory and i just realized the stripper I hooked up with this weekend tasted like pizza.
we came up with a wnba drinking game. take a shot every play that you could've done better. won't make it through 1st quartar
Thats not what we're looking for. I want this kid to suck a lolly pop out of a stripper's snatch.
You need to braveheart it on Monday. Blue face paint and a loin cloth screaming freedom in your front yard.
So we reenacted men's olympic skeet shooting using roman candles and flattened beer cans. That's all
On Wednesday I'm putting wine in a water bottle and crashing Margaret thatchers funeral
Drunkenly tried to auction off Merik's pancakes at Ihop. Apparently I make a great auctioneer. Also, no one wants 30 cent pancakes.
I may not be his cup of tea, but I bet I'm his 10th shot of tequila
One does not fall in love, one falls flat on the their face after leaving a bar
Holy Hangover.. I'm marrying whoever put this water by my bed
Went up to some dude that hit on Laura and told him he has a voice like a grandma. Apparently didnt have muscles or kindness like grandma so can you pick me up at the ER please?
Imagine how different my life would be if I could find a man who gave me more pleasure than pizza at 2am when I'm drunk.
Randomize
